I remember in early recovery how my language was “I can’t drink anymore” which came off as a type of punishment for my actions when I was drinking and using. The way I worded it sounded like I was taking something beneficial out of my life when the reality is it was actually the complete opposite. I was saving myself. There is a worship song that says “life wasn’t falling apart, it was falling into place” and every single time I hear that I immediately think of my recovery and just how true that is. Early recovery brought a lot of different feelings but thinking I was missing out on everything was the most common. During my times of reflection I think about those thoughts a lot, and it’s just a deep dive into addiction and how it can make us feel that way. These substances (along with my actions) tore apart my life and here I was trying to convince myself that it was unfair that I couldn’t go out and do those same destructive things anymore. There are so many different thoughts like telling myself I can just have one or two (knowing there is no way that’s happening) along with lying to myself that this time would be different (when I knew deep down that that couldn’t have been further from the truth). It’s easy to punish ourselves early on in sobriety but as time goes on those negative thoughts shift and all of the sudden we are telling ourselves thank you for making that decision — and essentially saving our life.
I have a lot of personal experience with addiction and the harm that it will eventually bring. Not just my own, but losing my Father in 2006 was a clear example of sobriety being a privilege. There are also others who I have crossed paths with who want to quit and continue to struggle with the beginning stages of recovery. Those are always reminders of how fortunate I am, and really has me in a place where I never take my own recovery for granted. It can be easy to become complacent after so many years but this is why I choose not to drink each morning because it keeps me fully engaged and fully focused on my sobriety. I don’t view time as a tool in recovery, for me it’s a reminder and something that I use to continue to motivate and remind me of what is on the line each and every day. That perspective has and continues to help a lot which I remain thankful for.
God bless,
Brian 👐🏻
Whatever It Takes 